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The Curious Case of Mr. HPU!

September 19, 2009

I cannot believe that I have not written a post about Mr. HPU my friend till now. πŸ˜›

People who have read my blog in the past would have read about my other roommate Mr. FR and his antics in America. (link1, link2, link3)

As fate has deemed fit, Mr. HPU is here now in SF and Mr. FR is back in Mumbai.

Mr. HPU exhibits all the classic symptoms of a quintessential mallu β€œlast born”. He is the youngest of three brothers and all three brothers went to the same school in Malappuram and the same engineering college: NIT, Kozhikode.

He comes from the northern part of Kerala, where people are really made tough and HPU is no different. He is no stranger to β€œkalippus” and β€œquotations” and knowledge of β€œKalaripayattu” runs in his family.

As I did mention in the last post, Mr. HPU is a walking disaster. His plans are always β€œutopian” and never work. Almost whatever he does ends in disaster or he always comes out of it with a strange tale to tell us. Add to that, his tough carefree β€œJango” image and his tall, powerfully built frame, and you get a very strange mixture.

You would not believe this, but Mr. HPU very religiously, sets his alarm for 5:30 AM every single day. Nobody has been able to find out the reason for that but Mr. HPU (the eternal optimist) always keeps saying, β€œRise on shine” (yes, it is not β€œand”).

But as you might have all guessed, Mr. HPU gets up only at 10, if not later. His sleep patterns are legendary and even Kumbakarnan would suffer a breakdown if he sees this dude.

In a restaurant, if he pays by cash, he would then demand for his card when the waiter brings back the change; if he pays by card, he would then forget to take the card back and even if, by chance he takes the card back, he would then forget to sign on the β€œmerchant copy” of the bill and the waiter would come running out to remind him.

During our pre employment medical examination in 2005, the doctor was asking us a lot of basic routine boring question when suddenly this happens:

Doctor: Do you drink?

HPU: Once a week

Doctor (with a shocked expression): WHAT??

HPU (with a smile): Err…..or once a month.

The doctor literally fell of his chair laughing and that dialog is still a hit in our group, β€œOnce a week or once a month”. Only Mr. HPU can come up with classics like that!

I still remember a day in 2005. It was the last day of the month and our salary was not yet credited to our accounts. We had a handsome sum of only hundred rupees among us (HPU, FR and me) and we had planned to judiciously use that money for lunch and dinner respectively. For lunch, in the restaurant, Mr. HPU (who eats a lot) ordered so much food that we were left with only 7 Rupees. When we tried to talk HPU out of ordering so many things, he vetoed our suggestion and told us that he would setup the β€œcash” later for dinner…………

That evening, we had to share a single β€œvada pav” (5 bucks) for dinner and Mr. HPU blamed us for not stopping him from ordering so many items for lunch.

In America, when a cop pulls you over, the protocol is to keep sitting in the car with your hands on your steering wheel. In 2007, when Mr. HPU had come over to America, he was pulled over by a cop late at night for a routine check, and Mr. HPU as in India, very coolly got out of the car and started walking towards the cop. The cop really got alarmed, dived for cover and took out his pistol and asked HPU to lie face down on the road and that was when Mr. HPU realized the gravity of his error. He then had to explain to the cop that he was new to America etc etc.

In 2008, on his second trip to America, he was driving once again late at night. He did not spot a dustbin which was lying on the road, and when he drove over it, it got attached to his chassis of the car and would not come off. He could not drive the car with it nor did he have his phone with him at that time. The ever logical Mr. HPU realized that he needed a β€œjack” to raise the car, to remove the dustbin and so, he sauntered to the nearest house he saw, to ask for a jack at 1 in the night!!!!!

He knocked on the door, and out came a man with a gun!!!! Mr. HPU had to drive for cover and then did the explaining about how he badly needed a jack. Thankfully that man had one and was not overtly drunk and finally Mr. HPU came back alive with another strange tale to tell us.

If expressed as a pie chart, Mr. HPU’s experiences (in his words) can be summed up as:
Thus HPU lives on; the guy is a legend within closed circles…………………

Cheers to him!!!!

(btw I have got to beat him at tennis today πŸ˜› )

PS: Enjoy the weekend and listen to this great song!

27 Comments leave one →
  1. September 19, 2009 2:18 am

    Hurray !!! First !!!! πŸ˜†
    OG: YAY πŸ˜› πŸ˜›

    • September 19, 2009 2:27 am

      Cant believe this, OG !!!! First, for the second time, in my blogging life.
      OG: great!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. September 19, 2009 2:26 am

    I liked the graph – what a painstaking job u hv done – putting on graph abt the incidents in ur frnd’s life.
    OG: creating a graph is very simple actually πŸ˜› πŸ˜› πŸ˜›
    But certainly, such a frnd around you – and you’ll be never bored of adventures, right ??? πŸ™‚
    OG: absolutely right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Just loved the vada pav incident. πŸ˜†

    Ur frnd’s experiences with driving in America, can be published as a book, especially for Indians, who come to US for the first time. Atleast they’ll know the Dos and Donts, very clearly, through live anectodes.
    OG: hehehehehehehe, good point πŸ˜› πŸ˜›

  3. September 19, 2009 3:35 am

    Do u have any ‘normal’ friends?
    OG: very few πŸ˜› πŸ˜›
    Actually, I’m glad u don’t – I like reading your amusing posts on them…They are extremely entertaining…
    OG: Thanks!!!
    Think hard, u may come up with other names u haven’t written about as yet…I’m waiting…
    OG: there are many more Bones…… so many more stories πŸ˜› πŸ˜›

  4. September 19, 2009 3:42 am

    lol πŸ˜› sounds like a good guy πŸ˜›
    OG: he is πŸ˜› πŸ˜›

  5. September 19, 2009 4:10 am

    Hahahahaha! Hail the mighty HPU! πŸ˜› πŸ˜€
    HPU – The Humor Processing Unit! Lolz
    OG: ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! classic!!!!!!

  6. September 19, 2009 4:34 am

    *crafty is preparing line graph to express the increase in decibal when she saw that pie chart*
    OG: ROFL!!!!!!!! I believe you!!!!
    YAY!!!!!! I love these pie charts u make!!!

    Am just on my way outta home, but i cudn’t resist the PIE CHART!!
    OG: thanku Thanku!!
    Will be back to write on Mr HPU (whose last name cannot be pronounced by non-malayalees, and by few unfortunate malayalees too.. 😳 sheesh)
    OG: yayayayayayay πŸ˜› πŸ˜›
    walking disaster!!! am i glad to find more of this kind exist! πŸ˜›

    that hotel bill payment… erm… gee… it happens ok??? no need to laugh about that!!! huh!!!!
    crafty = πŸ‘Ώ when no one is looking, crafty = 😳
    OG: ooho, so you are also guilty of that? eh???
    πŸ˜† soooperu friendu, thisu HPU!!! πŸ˜€

    OG: he is πŸ˜› πŸ˜›

  7. September 19, 2009 6:15 am

    Humour Processing Unit!! πŸ˜†
    OG: πŸ˜› πŸ˜› πŸ˜›

  8. September 19, 2009 7:09 am

    ROFL !! πŸ˜†
    OG: πŸ˜› πŸ˜› πŸ˜›

  9. September 19, 2009 8:14 am

    Daivame! So in a short span of time he has managed to come face to face with a gun TWICE! and once from a policeman… Jeez, this guy is a legend, reminds me of one of my friends..
    OG: ROFL!!!!!!!! reminds you of your friend??? a post perhaps???
    The pie chart was classic, lol!

    Man, he should have a visible tag or something pasted to his forehead.. “accompany at your own risk” or “Trouble always follows me, so do the guys who follow me!” or something like that πŸ˜€
    OG: hehehehehehehehehehe πŸ˜› good one πŸ˜›

  10. September 19, 2009 2:00 pm

    LOL machi…. πŸ˜†

    Classic… πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚
    OG: thanku thanku!

  11. September 20, 2009 1:19 am

    Lol! Some interesting friends you have. Vaise I used to think am the epitome of walking talking disaster but now I feel am no where because the disasters that happen around me are natural not designed by me πŸ˜‰
    OG: hehehehehehehehehe πŸ˜› πŸ˜› πŸ˜› P btw, did you see wanted????? πŸ˜‰

    • September 21, 2009 12:20 pm

      Of course seen it. First day second last show πŸ˜€ and needless to say loved it to the chore. Salman has done such a great job!

  12. September 20, 2009 4:16 am

    Your friends are all cartoons like you, OG. You should publish a book on them and go underground.
    OG: hehehheehehehehehe πŸ˜›
    HPU? Hari Prasad Unnikrishnan? Undakannan?
    OG: you will never guess this name sols πŸ˜›
    So how is your Tennis going? From your latest avatar it looks like you are soon turning into one lean machine.
    OG: nope…un fortunately, I have put on weight after cominghere to sunnyvale πŸ˜›

  13. September 20, 2009 6:15 am

    man, u and ur array of friends!!! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ what a gang u had/have!!
    OG: thanku Thanku!
    LOL @ “rise ON shine” and the credit cards issues! πŸ˜› πŸ˜›

    ROFL @ the cop incident … omg hahahha πŸ˜† i was visualising that one!!!
    OG: ROFL!!!!! it was a classic
    i guess Mr HPU and driving late in USA does not really go well together… considering he’s been at the wrong end of the gun.. not once but twice!!! πŸ˜› πŸ˜€ lol

    the pie-chart as usual… gives the post a nice climax! dont know from where u got the percentages for this one tho πŸ˜›
    OG: hehehehehehehehehe πŸ˜›
    P.S.: already listening to songs of Aadhavan, eh? fan of Nayanthara??
    OG: AIYOOOOOOO!!! no ways!!!!!!!!!!!

  14. September 20, 2009 6:25 am

    ROFLMAO !!! this guy is the clumsiest of your friends, huh? LOL !!! that scene with the police guy is the funniest !!! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€
    OG: πŸ˜› πŸ˜› πŸ˜› πŸ˜› : P:P

  15. September 20, 2009 6:00 pm

    After reading of the travails of Mr HPU, I am also surprised how come u never wrote of him yet EOG!!! The guy has earned his way to ur blog space I say!!!
    OG: ROFL!!!!!!!!!
    knowledge of β€œKalaripayattu” runs in his family.
    Really???? That is 😎
    OG: yeah, that is cool πŸ˜› πŸ˜› πŸ˜› I wanna learn as well πŸ˜›
    His plans are always β€œutopian” and never work. Almost whatever he does ends in disaster or he always comes out of it with a strange tale to tell us.

    OHO! For a minute I thought, how come EOG is describing me when he is clearly talking of a certain HPU?!!! Geee… anything I attempt or don’t attempt ends in a tale to be told…. 😳
    give the guy some consolation hugs from crafty, his long lost sis!!! πŸ˜›
    OG: wokays will do πŸ˜› πŸ˜› πŸ˜›
    His sleep patterns are legendary and even Kumbakarnan would suffer a breakdown if he sees this dude.

    Seriously EOG… this guy is like my male counterpart!!!!!! πŸ˜› πŸ˜› πŸ˜› me too sets alarm for 7 am and then wake up at 9! πŸ˜› and sleep like kumbakaran? My mom is fed up… I feel sorry for her at times… I am quite a difficult person to wake… nothing short of kicks are needed! πŸ˜†
    OG: hehehehehehehhehehee πŸ˜›
    ROFLUUU @ once a week or once a month!!!

    3 guys shared 1 vada pav???? How is that possible???!!!!! Sheesh!!!! *crafty wud have taken vada pav, fled, eaten and then strolled back with a brave and loving smile* πŸ˜›
    OG: I knw……. that was hard!!! seriously πŸ˜›
    GOSH! His kallippus with the cop and that guy with the gun are scary!!!!!! So HPU is still alive and walking eh? Touchwood and amen!!! Hope he puts his Kalaripayattu skills to good use.. or at least his running skills!!! Whichever seem more effective and life saving at the time!
    OG: he is live and learn πŸ˜› πŸ˜› πŸ˜›
    Special hugs for that pie chart!!! U know how I love them!!!!
    OG: πŸ˜› πŸ˜› πŸ˜› πŸ˜› πŸ˜› πŸ˜› πŸ˜› hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Long live HPU!!! Congrats on beating him in tennis..assuming he is otherwise quite the champ πŸ™„ is he??

    Video loading at snails pace….. all I see is four frames of a guy in checkered pants and 4 people in some mid-air ballet pose!!! πŸ˜› πŸ˜›
    OG: that is a good song……………… wait for it to buffer πŸ˜›

  16. September 20, 2009 7:47 pm

    i have counted…. actually counted the tongue smileys….

    17 in the reply to my comment…. 17??!!!!!!

    here u go… more options, pliss pick!!!!!
    πŸ˜€ πŸ™„ :mrgreen: 😯 😎 😳 πŸ˜†

    and give that tongue some rest will ya????

    πŸ™„ πŸ™„ πŸ™„

    *meanwhile, crafty goes and gives her eyes some rest*
    OG: ROFLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU πŸ˜› πŸ˜› πŸ˜› πŸ˜› πŸ˜› πŸ˜›

  17. September 21, 2009 8:30 am

    ‘But as you might have all guessed, Mr. HPU gets up only at 10, if not later. His sleep patterns are legendary and even Kumbakarnan would suffer a breakdown if he sees this dude.’ – This is so my husband. He will put his alarm on snooze and it will ring every 5 minutes – waking every household in a 1 mile radius – but will sleep through it all!

    ROFL @’ Kumbakarnan would suffer a breakdown if he sees this dude’

    Your Mr HPU is a classic! But then so are most of your friends!

    And how did you guys manage on one vadapav? I can’t even begin to imagine πŸ™‚

    That song is really nice!

  18. September 25, 2009 7:51 am

    I like the line, ‘Almost whatever he does ends in disaster or he always comes out of it with a strange tale to tell us.’

  19. September 25, 2009 9:19 pm

    Wow awesome!!
    The cop scene and the ‘friendly neighbourhood gunman’ was hilarious dude!
    who is that guy??
    we should make a movie on him! πŸ™‚
    OG: so true man πŸ˜› he is a character πŸ˜›
    n btw im rakesh πŸ™‚
    OG: hi to you as well!!!!!!

  20. October 4, 2009 9:27 pm

    HPU is superu πŸ˜€


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