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Akkare II: "The Amerikan Loco Room Experience" and a Tag

February 24, 2009

Renu has tagged me on this; on my thoughts on “Holding Hands”.
I had a revelation last week, and this tag is also timely. Hence I have changed the rules of the Tag to accommodate my thoughts!!! Sorry Renu!!!

Since my project got over last week, I have had an abundance of Time and I needed to do something about it.
Hence, after a lot of self introspection, I decided to waste two important things: Time and Money.
I decided to join the local gym in the vain hope that I would turn into the next Arnold Shivasankara Panicker in three months!!!

The guided tour that they had was awesome. They showcased all the machines that they had, showed me the swimming pool (which I never use), the Sauna (too hot for me) and the Jacuzzi (always crowded), the Boot Camp classes (which I will never join) and the gym was also full of people with great bodies, and so by the end of the tour, I knew that I had to join this gym. The only glitch in the whole process was the fee which was a tad too high but the receptionist made things easy with her smile!!

In other words, all I can say is that in front of her dazzling, immaculate (manicured LOL) denture set, my tongue refused to twist and my brain responded only after I had had my card swiped!!! In my defense, I suppose any portly ordinary guy who is overweight by 10 kilos would have done the same thing.
I did not even haggle over the price like a good Indian; shame on me!!

Things got interesting only after this. I managed to huff and puff my way through ten minutes on the treadmill and checked my weight. The weighing machines that they have here are complicated contraptions and their sole purpose in life is to confuse you and give you the wrong weight. After the ten minute jog/walk, my weight seemed to have gone up by 3 pounds!!

And thus, when this dejected ordinary guy made his way into the locker room for some respite, he was greeted by the sight of a hundred you-know-what’s!!!
Let me first tell you guys, that I have seen a few locker rooms in my life but no locker room in India would prepare you for the “Amerikan Loco Room Experience” (as I fondly call it).

When I overcame that initial shock, I came to the conclusion that either:
1. My Amerikan brothers took pride in flaunting their masculinity at everyone else!!
2. The locker room door acted a portkey, which transported me into Zimbabwe where the cost of a single underwear can run into millions!!!

The second option however seemed improbable and hence, I realized that it must be the first.

Hence I had to move around with both my modesty and my eyes covered!!!!
But coming back to the question, how is this related to the Tag on “Holding hands”????

The thing which I very simply cannot understand is that my brothers here, don’t have a problem, or in other words, don’t feel that their sexuality is under question when they walk around naked in the locker room, but they take the deepest offence if there is the slightest physical contact between them.

I just cannot get it!!!!!! Amerikans, please have similar standards, or even better, have Indian Standards, where we might put an arm over a friends shoulder but we don’t walk around naked in front of strangers………….

This is just another passing thought in my “Amerikan Chronicles” and on this tag.

PS: I now have to buy myself an eyepatch.

25 Comments leave one →
  1. Winnie the poohi permalink
    February 24, 2009 11:09 pm

    ha ha ha!

    Indeed.. I am still chukling.. I dunno what to say 😀

  2. Ordinary Guy permalink
    February 24, 2009 11:19 pm

    Cultures vary, people are different…. 🙂
    is all I have to say!!!! LOL

  3. Ajith permalink
    February 25, 2009 2:44 am

    ROFL, Arnold Shivshankara paniker’s Zimbabwe expedition is awesome! I am sure girls in blogosphere would like to know more about ur Americal loco room experience 🙂

  4. Vinod_Sharma permalink
    February 25, 2009 2:45 am

    “Arnold Shivshankara Panicker”!!!LOL

    Well you didn’t become that but did “Pa-nicker” lose his “nicker” in the locker room?

  5. Renu permalink
    February 25, 2009 2:45 am

    Lol:), I also wondered that in a free society like theirs, why such a premium on touch:)
    But I am dissappointed with the tag, Iw anted so much to know what it measns to you..holding hands I mean, you are so eloquent with words:)

  6. Ordinary Guy permalink
    February 25, 2009 2:50 am

    LOL Ajith, 🙂
    I dont think the girls would like to know about my wild safari tours…. 🙂

    Vinod Sir,
    That was an excellent one…. 🙂 LOL
    Panicker did not loose it… 🙂

    I am so sorry Renu, this Tag will be redone…. in exactly 24 hours….. 🙂

  7. Bones permalink
    February 25, 2009 3:53 am

    Very funny!!!

  8. Quirky Indian permalink
    February 25, 2009 4:59 am


    Btw, not sure an eyepatch will help, unless you feel seeing things with only one eye is better!


    Quirky Indian

  9. Ordinary Guy permalink
    February 25, 2009 5:09 am

    LOL Bones, what there a hint of sarcasm in that line… 🙂 LOL

    Yo QI,

    What i wanted to say is that, I should probably get two eyepatches…. 🙂 LOL

  10. How do we know permalink
    February 25, 2009 8:24 am

    oh no u dont have to buy that eyepatch.. this is a yummy post!!

    what all the women would do to be in that locker room.. 😉

  11. Solilo permalink
    February 25, 2009 8:58 am

    I came here to ask if you were busy and see that You are BACH like A S Panicker :)):))

    Poor you. This is not the you-know-what’s you deserved to see. Ha..ha..ha.

    I was in two states of mind to scroll down further fearing how you would connect this to holding hands. Phew! what a relief.

  12. Indyeah permalink
    February 25, 2009 9:20 am

    oh man!that was some tag!

    eyepatch?As QI says buy it for both the eyes..:D

  13. Chirag permalink
    February 25, 2009 9:34 am

    “Arnold Shivshankara Panicker” LOL 🙂 Dude, this is great, still laughing 🙂 … you do these tags brilliantly.

  14. vimmuuu permalink
    February 25, 2009 3:41 pm

    LOL. thanks for the enlightenment ! nammale okke kaanumbol avarkku puchamaavum, kaaranam namukku dress venamallo !!!

  15. J P Joshi permalink
    February 25, 2009 5:13 pm

    Good one. Enjoyed reading your post…”I did not even haggle over the price like a good Indian; shame on me!!”.

  16. Ordinary Guy permalink
    February 25, 2009 5:55 pm

    LOL how do we know,
    I will not buy eyepatch if I can go to the other room… 😛

    Yo Solilo,
    I am not that busy… why do you wanna know???
    yeah poor me…. 🙂 hehehehe

    Yo INdyeah, 😛

    Thanks Chirag…. 🙂

    Aliya Vimmuu,
    dress ellengil, avarukku pucham avum…. 🙂 I hope you understand.. 😛

    Thanks JPJ Sir…. 🙂

  17. You Know Me Very Well permalink
    February 25, 2009 5:58 pm

    Lovely post… am still smiling … u know sort of imagining the entire thing… am completely with how do we know in this 🙂

  18. Ordinary Guy permalink
    February 25, 2009 6:09 pm

    LOL YKMVW…. 🙂

    🙂 you are welcome to take my place… any time… 🙂

  19. Solilo permalink
    February 25, 2009 10:18 pm

    I asked because when I first started blogging and visited this place, you used to update everyday.

  20. Ordinary Guy permalink
    February 25, 2009 10:31 pm

    🙂 Solilo,
    yeah, but now this ordinary guy is determined to irritate other people as well… 🙂 apart from my fellow bloggers… 🙂 LOL

  21. amit permalink
    February 26, 2009 7:52 am double standards are everywhere. You must have felt like being in some prehistoric era when clothes were not invented. 🙂

  22. Kislay permalink
    February 26, 2009 10:50 am

    😀 😀 😀 I am trying to picture you inside that loco room . Did you have a look of incredulity on your face ? 🙂

  23. Ordinary Guy permalink
    February 26, 2009 2:54 pm

    LOL amit, 🙂

    yes i did , kislay… i did….

  24. kanaguonline permalink
    February 26, 2009 6:42 pm

    LOL… what other thing I can say after reading this one.. gym thing is very strange

  25. Ordinary Guy permalink
    February 27, 2009 12:05 am

    LOL Kanagu….

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