Akkare I : The Dharma Yuddham

The battle lines were drawn a month back. The venue of the Holy war was also decided by both parties and the conscript’s involved got time to mentally prepare themselves for the merciless killing that would ensue. The rules and regulations of the ‘Dharma Yuddham’ were listed out and signed by both parties and it was decided that any lax warrior would be fined heavily.

On the eve of the battle, the Pandavas had nothing more to do than twiddle their thumbs and look on in a nervous state. On the other side, the Kauravas were in full swing; in preparation for what would decide the fate of their universe. Both sides knew that it would be a long drawn out bloody affair.
The Pandavas were confident that they had the upper hand; as they had Krishna on their side and they also had some of the best technicians in their camp and they liked being constructive. They generally treated everyone else with insolence and they had the chutzpah to think that they were the best in the world much like the Samurais of yonder and thought that winning was their birthright. They believed in order and a general correctness in what they did.

The Kauravas on the other hand, breed and flourished on a feeling of fear much like the Ninjas of ancient Japan. They were a group of merciless Ronins and mercenaries who believed that it was birthright to ravage anything in their path. The Kauravas knew all along that it would a battle that they would lose eventually but their commander, in his inspiring speech called upon all the warriors to make the Pandavas pay dearly, make them pay so much that their victory would be pyrrhic. The Kauravas were also inspired by the Hashasins and the Kamikaze pilots of World War II. They prided themselves on being very destructive and also took pains to find out deceptive ways in which to fight. Guerilla warfare was a major pastime for many in that camp and some of them specialized in such random ad-hoc fights!! Their commander inspired a fierce passion much like Subutai the great Mongol, a rage that would blind the eyes of many including their prize fighter OG!!!

OG was born a Pandava but very soon he fell into disrepute as he could not live life by the code of honor, the code of Bushido and he joined up with the Kauravas as he felt that their cause was a just one!!! Some said that OG was a reincarnation of Karna himself. Some others said that OG reminded them of Achilles and the Kauravas took heart every single time they saw the handsome six foot towering war machine riding out with his Kavacha and Kundala!!!

And thus when the D-day arrived, both camps with their large armies arrived at Kalippupettipuram. The Pandavas had only 20 Akshauhinis with them and the Kauravas had 30.
On the first day, the Pandavas organized themselves in the classical hoplite formation, a formation preferred by the medieval Romans and the Spartans. The treacherous Kauravas with their larger army attacked from all sides and with cavalry thus ensuring utter chaos among the Pandavas!! The Pandavas bravely fought on but were no match for the superior in number, Kauravas and lost many sections of their army by the end of the day.

At the end of the first day, in the meeting, the Pandavas decided that they were not going to play fair any longer and complained that the Kauravas were cowards….

And thus the battle raged on for 16 more days with both the camps losing their resources steadily but neither of them gave up hope!! Over the course of those 17 days, the tide of the war turned towards the Pandavas gradually……

Tears, sweat and blood mixed freely on the battlefield and the vultures circling high above, watched the carnage with interest!! Those vultures had a feast every single night……….

At precisely midnight on the 17th night, all the commanders for the Pandavas got together for a conference and decided that they had to end the war the next day and Krishna came up with a brilliant plan to end the battle and wastage of resource!!!

And thus on the 18th day, the Pandavas arranged themselves in the classical Chakravyuha formation and the Kauravas did not know how to break thru (no they did not have Arjuna on their side) and were completely routed.

OG along with his commander and a few other warriors escaped into the mountains where they decided that they had to rebuild an army again and took heart from the myth of the spider and Robert the Bruce. In the important meeting that they had, they conceded that the Pandavas had defeated them convincingly and went about hatching their next despotic plan to upset the balance of the WORLD!!!! And the Pandavas knew that peace would reign in their land atleast for some time until the next war!!!

OG knew all along that his campaign would be doomed, but unlike Karna or Achilles, he came out of it alive!!! It is all Karma, reasoned OG!!!

Ladies and Gentlemen,
If you are wondering if this ordinary guy has gone insane, then let me tell you that my project has finally come to a close today!!!! YIPPPIEEEEE

Pandavas ==> Software Developers
Kauravas ==> Software Testers
OG ==> Ordinary Guy ==> ME
Vulture ==> Auditors
Akshauhini ==> Functionality
Kalippupettipuram ==> Kalippu petti ==> Problematic Box ==> Computer

Now reread the whole article, it should make more sense!!!! Especially for software engineers!! And for those who are not software engineers, let me tell you that the rivalry between developers and testers runs deep and both are keen on seeing the downfall of the other!!! We testers lose every single time (find no more defects), but we are happy that we lose coz the project gets its signoff only when we approve!!!

Akkare means “The other shore” and thus my American chronicles will be labeled Akkare from now on, thanks to Solilo!!!