He stood tall and still in the balcony as if his eyes were fixed upon an invisible star. The cold Californian November breeze kept howling all around him but he hardly seemed to notice that. It was dusk and the lights were fading gradually but Vivek remained unmoved with his cup of tea steadily losing its warmth by the second.
Ashok could not stand this melancholic avatar of Vivek and had to pull him inside.
“What is the matter with you dude” asked Ashok. He had never seen Vivek in a somber mood until that day.
“As you know my current stint here in America is over and I am going back to India this weekend. It is just that the future seems so uncertain. I really don’t know if I can keep up. I have so many responsibilities as the eldest in my family. I just hope that I get my next contract as soon as possible”.
Ashok had to raise this poor guy’s hopes.
“You will get one soon dude. Don’t worry. Take a small break and start looking for the next contract here in America. Consider this to be a small vacation. How does that sound?”
“Break???? I have not known what a break is since I started working when I was in school. I started work in a Manufacturing company from my tenth and right through my engineering and since then, I have been in this software field for about seven years now”.
“What!!!!!!!!!!! Why did you shift to this cursed domain from manufacturing dude????” Ashok exclaimed. As a mechanical engineer himself, he had a soft corner for it.
“Well, that was because of my first girlfriend. At that time, she was in Bangalore. I just had to join her. I got a job in a great company, made a good name for myself until I threw everything away for an H1b visa to come to the US”.
“And why did you do that?” Ashok had to ask.
“Well, that was because my second girlfriend was in New Jersey at that time. I threw everything away for her and came over to the US. Work has taken me to all parts of this country as a contractor but I miss having some stability in my life”.
“But where is that girl now?” Ashok could not contain himself.
With a sheepish grin Vivek said, “She is in India now; happily married”.
And he continued, “I really don’t know what I am going to do man. I am turning 30 soon but I feel so insignificant. I am actually envious of you Ashok. You are young and you walk, talk and act like you do not have a care in the world”.
Ashok cleared his throat. He did not normally believe in peppering other people with an exegesis of his ideology but this one time, he had to say something:
“Deshadanapakshi Karayarilla”.
“What the hell does that mean???” asked an intrigued Vivek.
With a smile, Ashok replied, “The migratory bird never cries!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Warning: Please do not try this at home. Everything that you will read/see in this post has been done by a trained professional.
In the past two weeks, I seem to have mastered this art; the art of cutting my fingers and after deep contemplation, I have come up with the perfect guide that will teach everyone around the globe about the sinister finger-traps that they might encounter.
Specimens required for this experiment:
- Allium cepa commonly known as onions.
- Solanum lycopersicum commonly known as tomatoes.
- Solanum tuberosum commonly known as potatoes
- A few human fingers
- A good sharp knife preferably not a samurai katana.
Ever since I started cooking in January 2009, I never faced a problem about cutting my fingers until this month. This is because; I used a superb technique that would ensure that I could not EVER possibly cut my fingers. It is shown below (pic reposted from an old post of mine):
But, in this month, the tide has turned against me. The heavy big knife has lost its sharpness and I have been forced to use a smaller sharper one. Unfortunately for me, the technique which I described above does not work very well with the smaller knife and I had to use a different technique.
These onions are deceptive in nature thanks to a phenomenon called evolution. Please no ever make the mistake of cutting the onions in the very end coz if you do, this is how the story is going to unfold:
Just when you think that you are almost done cutting your vegetables and only have the onions left, your heart is literally brimming with joy! And in that state of happiness, you might just try to cut these onions a little faster. Also since you have been doing this for the past 30 minutes, your concentration might also not be a 100 percent. As you start cutting these onions, unfortunately when your eyes are full of water, your right hand might just slip thanks to the loose onion layer and then ………………!!!!
You might find yourself without a piece of your left thumb.
These tomatoes too are equally deceptive in nature especially the ripe ones. I think that the level of “original sin” grows in them as they grow older. Normally cutting these things is a hard enough task. This is what can happen:
As a general rule, please do not curse the tomatoes for being a gooey mess. Just when you think that you have cut these guys; because of all the mess around, you might just fail to notice that your middle finger is in the path of the knife’s natural swing. And also because they are so flimsy, they can also purposely guide the knife correctly to your middle finger like a homing missile and then……………!!!
You might find yourself without a piece of your middle finger. When this happens, please use this opportunity to show everyone that finger.
The less said about these sinister potatoes, the better. Firstly, you need to apply a lot of force to cut these guys and since they come in weird shapes, the possibility of them jumping on you is also statistically very high!!! This is what can happen:
Just when you have applied force greater than the threshold force needed to cut them, they might jump away from you. And when that happens, in a time frame of about 300 milliseconds, you cannot stop the knife’s motion and if fate has conspired against you, then……………!!!!
You might find a deep gash on your left index finger.
My dear bachelors,
Please keep the above mentioned details in mind when you next start on this adventurous mission.
Treachery and deception which are cornerstones of the human race, I realized are also found in the finger-community!!!!!
The left hand:
The right hand:
The fingers on the right Hand on the “other hand” were unanimous in their verdict!!!
PS: I need to find a bloody good big knife soon to restart my favorite technique!!
I was enjoying a pleasant Saturday evening in solitude all by myself when I got a call from Mr. AT.
AT: What plans for Saturday evening?
OG: Nothing much.
AT: Great! I have a brainwave!!!!!
OG: ok ok ok!!! Which film do you want to see??
This Mr. AT dude is actually a very simple kid at heart!! And his interests are very few. I cannot believe that he is getting engaged in exactly 15 days!!!!!
AT: Do you want to see the film “Couples Retreat”? Mr. HPU and I wanna go.
OG: Are you sure that it is a good film? I hope it is not one of those stupid over the top mushy films.
AT: I saw the trailer. It seemed good.
OG: And the music is by Rahman; His first Hollywood venture. Ok, let us go for it.
And so, in the cold evening for the 10 PM show, our party of three; we reach the nearby theatre to watch the film.
OG: Can I have three tickets for the 10 PM show of “Couples Retreat”?
The pretty girl on the other side of the counter gave me a strange look.
The pretty girl: Do you want two tickets?
OG: Nope, I want three.
With a raised eyebrow, she gives us the tickets. And so, we entered the hall. On entering the hall, all I could see was couples seated in all the niche corners of the hall!!
It reminded me of “The Reclamation Area” in Bandra in its heydays. Just like how the couples used to give us dirty looks there, we got quite a few here as well! 
A cosmological study of the faces in the theatres betrayed many a diverse expressions. Some of them (conservative type) were shocked to see three guys together. Many of them (liberal folks) were quaintly interested and we felt as uncomfortable as the lion which is on display in the MGM casino in Las Vegas. There was not a single non-couple group in the entire theatre apart from us!!!!!
Anyways, the film was decent enough and I learnt another valuable lesson that day; not to EVER go for this genre of films here in America!!!!!! Definitely not with guys!!!!!!
One just lives and learns! 
